*Updated* Lists: Number One - Things I Hate/Fear

Here's a short list of the things I hate/fear, numbered in order of hatred. 

Lava

It's too hot! Oh my gosh why is it so hot?!

This fear undoubtedly comes from watching The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King. 

Lava is my number one fear because of its destructive abilities. Some people say, "Kate, you would never encounter lava...why should you be afraid of it?" To those people I say, "Eff you! What? I have already come into contact with lava. Don't talk about what you don't know." 

Lava contact story coming soon.

Alligators/Crocodiles

No. Just no. This thing is from my nightmares. Literally.


When I was a child, I used to watch "Sally Duvall's Bedtime Stories." There was a story about a boy who had two crocodiles living under his bed. Why? I'm not sure, it's unrealistic. But he had to lure the crocodiles out with foodstuffs so that he could get out of his bed and go about his daily business. What a hassle. 

Being Impaled

Self-explanatory: this would be a terrible, terrible occurence. 

Rape

Also self-explanatory. Consequently, this is also the reason I carry Mace with me wherever I go. 

Chalk

This disgusting substance makes me vom. I hate the texture, I hate the way it smells, I hate everything about it. When I think about it, I can taste it in my mouth and it makes me twinge and cry. I can't help but imagine using sidewalk chalk and having the concrete rip my skin open. It is a disaster.

Being on Fire 

Again, too effing hot. 

Dying Alone

Sad.

Nursing Homes

Sad.

Losing My Eyes

Horrible. How would I see? Would I have to wear eyepatches? So many unanswered questions about this one. 

Cockroaches

Eff that no way. Next Halloween? Cockroach costume? NO.

Being Mocked

I HATE MOCKERS.

Dirty Dishes

I can't stand to touch dishes that have been eaten off of. Vom central.

Unexpectedly Wet Toothbrushes

Why?! Why in the world is it wet??? I haven't brushed my teeth in 12 hours so why is it still wet?

This fear is probably due to the number of times I have threatened to put my enemies' toothbrushes in the toilet. 

Excitement

I am very very excited about seeing Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Pt. 1 tomorrow. So much so, that I drew this nice battle scene and put it as my facebook profile picture.

Ron and Hermione are useless.

My Run-In Down at the Zaxby's

I had a strange run-in at Zaxby's the other day. This encounter has been seriously weighing on me, so I have decided to unburden myself.

My best friend Morgan and I were hungry one day, and decided to take a break from shopping and go get some delicious chicken. I was wearing my purple pants -- my special purple pants with a zipper and two buttons. Now, the fact that these pants had two buttons often threw me off. Usually, when putting on pants, one must perform two tasks: button one, zip two. But in these pants there are three tasks: button one, button two, zip three. Allow me to illustrate:

Now please keep these pants in mind as I continue the story. They will definitely appear later. 

If you've ever heard the Dane Cook skit about his "Run-in down at the 'Wall'," this is nothing like that. It's nothing like that because Dane Cook is cool. I am not cool. Not even close. 

As I walk into Zaxby's, I see one cashier open. The man behind the counter is currently helping another customer. But no matter! As I walk up, a second cashier man steps up to cashier number two, ready and willing to serve. Now this second man was mildly attractive, so I was ready to step right up and give him my order. Unfortunately, as I'm two feet from the counter, the first customer departs with her receipt, giving me with now TWO options. Which one do I choose?! 

My brain ("being so fantastical") does some quick thinking: if I go to the first cashier, the one who was helping the other lady, then it would defeat the purpose of the second guy coming to the counter. If I go to the second cashier, then it would seem like I thought he was attractive and wanted to talk to him. But then it would make sense to go to number two because he came to the counter specifically to help me...but the first guy was looking at me expectantly, not realizing that the other guy had come to help me. Dilemma. 

I make two decisions. Decision number one: go to the second cashier as he was there just for me. 

Decision number two: make light of the unreasonable amount of time it took me to pick a cash register. In reference to number two, I decide to throw my hands in the air, smile winningly, and say, with a chuckle, "Too many choices haha!" The cashiers found this slightly funny, though I'm not sure they knew what I was referring to. They probably thought I meant too many choices on the menu. 

After that fiasco, I forget what I want to order. I say, "I would like a...Zaxby's..." (which is where I was) "...house..." (I forgot the word Zalad) "..with...uh...no cucumbers." So I looked like a champion right then. And then this happened...

"Would you like a adflas;ldkfjalsdjfla;sdjflakjsdf?"

So I said, in response to the question I had expected him to ask, "Yes, a drink."

He proceeded to stare at me blankly, so I said, with my debit card pressed into my cheek nervously, "Wait, what!?"

He repeated his question, asking me if I want a drink. I responded in the affirmative, took my receipt, and walked away.

If you think this story is done, you're wrong. It gets worse.

When the workers call what I assume to be my number, I skip up to the counter to retrieve my food, trying to act like nothing awkward had happened. Upon arrival, confusion ensues. The food is in a plastic bag...but I ordered mine "for here"...but they said my number...Are those my things? I peer into the bag, trying to be covert. Are those Zaxby's sauce packets? I ordered a zalad...there shouldn't be any sauces packets...what do I do?! 

I decide that the bag is not for me, and I step back abruptly. My cashier man, let's call him David (because that was his name), says, "That's not yours." Ok, a little rude, but whatever. I wait patiently. And then, oh yes, David becomes confused and upset. Oh no, I see him thinking, I'm stupid...He then calls my number yet again, and mumbles, "Sorry, I was wrong about the first one..."

Triumph! I am not stupid and confused! I was right! That was supposed to be my bag!

I eat my Zalad in a happy, but still-slightly embarrassed, mood. Morgan and I chat and get excited about our upcoming shopping adventure. 

But when I get back in my car, I notice my fly is down. My fly was down the whole time. Hooray for me. And hooray for Morgan for not telling me. Thanks.

Kate: crestfallen.

Bears

I used Paintbrush for Mac to draw this bear. He is ferocious.

Bears are scary. I've often wondered why they seem to be bent on destruction and evil. They seem to have permanently squinty, scary eyes and slavering jaws. These are terrifying things. But consider popular kids media: Yogi the Bear, Smokey the Bear, the Berenstein Bears, Goldilocks and the Three Bears, etc. All of these bears seem kind and helpful. At the very least, they are not blood thirsty, 800 lb machines of death. So yeah, maybe Yogi is a klepto, but the Three Bears were definitely the heroes in their story. Goldilocks was a brat--taking other people's food, breaking furniture, sleeping in random strangers' beds? She was terrible.
(I don't remember anything from the Berenstein Bears books).

But bears, real life bears with snouts and scary gutteral sounds and inches of razor sharp canines, are dangerous and frightening. So why are all our children's books and TV shows and commercials trying to tell us that bears are cute and fuzzy and great? I would really like to know.

Don't pet bears. Ever.

So what could be scarier than a beast that can reach up to 30 mph with massive paws that can crush spines in a single swipe? This: